Monday, August 29, 2005

Transference and Projection

If there's any lesson I keep having to learn without making any progress, it's the fact that I'm hypersensitive and it gets in the way of communication.  This is exacerbated when coupled with my tendency toward transference, in which my ego, trying to manage and control uncomfortable feelings and sensations, unconsciously projects those feelings onto someone else.  In this instance, my attitude toward my own defects was projected onto another individual.  "My god, she thinks the whole world revolves around her."  This was occasioned by an innocent statement "I feel odd planning my own reception."  I took it as a dig, that I wasn't doing enough to help plan the reception.  When her statement was a simple fact--she did feel somewhat odd planning her own party.  My ego transferred my uncomfortable feelings about planning the party, and projected it onto her.  My uncomfortable feelings about planning the party (it's going to be a lot of work) were transferred and displaced.  I couldn't face the reality of my own laziness, and so my ego cast her as the egomaniac. 

This was all unconscious and subliminal.  And it isn't until I'm shocked out of this disordered thinking that the truth of the matter becomes apparant.  Usually that has to happen through confrontation.

Friday, August 26, 2005

August Wilson Ill

Seattle resident and internationally renowned playwright August Wilson has been diagnosed with liver cancer.  His play 7 Guitars was one of my favorite productions at Ashland and upon seeing it, I knew August Wilson was a genius.  I saw its sequel King Hedley at Seattle Rep and was blown away.  Jitney toured to Seattle Rep. as well and was amazing.  I have yet to see Fences and The Piano Lesson, the two plays for which Wilson has won Pulitzer Prizes, but I hope to some day.  May he be blessed with a complete recovery for the joy and value and humanity he has brought to the world, which is a much better place for him having been here.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

So much for a daily entry

So much for a daily entry.  Nice to recommit to failure.  Oh well.  Some good things have been happening.  I did get a green light for the teaching job.  So if you live in the Seattle area and want to work on polishing up that novel you've got sitting in the closet, come and participate. 

In other news, Dad sent me two family heirlooms: the table he made in manual arts (high school) and my grandfather's desk.  The desk is a depression era Chippendale style cherrywood secretary which is completely gorgeous.  I am thrilled to have both pieces.  But now I have to make some hard decisions about what stays in my small apartment and what goes.  I think the massive blondewood hutch is going.  It was always too big for the place anyway.

Inside the secretary:  a white button, a blue poker chip, a book of matches from New Orleans, a spool of thread, a box of toothpicks, and a $5 bill, series 1988.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Back in the Saddle

After taking a few weeks off, I'm going to recommit to a daily entry.  The things that are on my mind today: my obesity and desire to lose weight, a desire for some new clothes, reducing America's dependence on foreign oil, the turning of the seasons, Carl Hiaasen, and the possibility of teaching this fall.

My teacher, Pam, may move to Phoenix in order to pursue her academic career.  She is going to recommend me for taking over one of her classes at BCC.  I won't know until later today, so check back tomorrow for the results.

Carl Hiaasen has a very terse, funny style and I'm enjoying Sick Puppy very much.

I want a Jeep Liberty diesel so that I can drive on biodiesel.

And if it's not too much to ask, a few new wool sweater vests.  Sweater vests are my signature.  They protect and hide.  They are like wearing a breast plate.  I love them and all of my current ones are either too small, acrylic or have seen better days.

Losing weight is a very difficult proposition.  Recently due to lactose intolerance I stopped intaking any kind of dairy.  I still am not able to lose weight.  I suppose exercise might make a difference.